You Never Let Go

When clouds brought rain and disaster came

Oh my soul, oh my soul

When waters rose and hope had flown

Oh my soul, oh my soul

Ever faithful, ever true

You, I know, you never let go

In joy and pain, in sun and rain

You're the same, oh, you never let go

This day a year ago changed us forever. It was a year ago today when we first learned that something was wrong with Liam's heart and it was also the day that we learned that God would never let go. On that day we were rocked in a way that I can not explain, a way that you can only understand if you've been there.


A few weeks after finding out, I asked for your prayers on our blog. Here is a clip from what I posted:

Right now we are still trying to come to terms with what this means but know that God has a plan and has chosen us to be this little guys parents for a very special reason. What this all means for us is that nothing about delivering this little guy or his first few months of life are going to be normal.

Liam was still unnamed and unborn, he was perfect and he was broken all at the same time. I had a strip full of ultrasound pictures clutched tightly in my hand, we had just found out our baby was a boy; we were thrilled and we were scared, we were ecstatic and we were heartbroken. The doctors were telling us that something was wrong with his heart, they were drawing us pictures and asking us questions and trying to explain things. In all honesty, a lot of that day is a blur but one of the things I do remember is that as Rolf and I drove home from the hospital that morning, each in our own cars, we heard the same song on the radio. It was "You Never Let Go" by David Crowder Band and the lyrics are above. I knew in that moment that God was there with me, it was as if I could literally feel his arms holding me and I knew he was speaking to me. It is those words that have carried me through this last year and I know they will continue to carry us along this journey.

God never let go when we were told that our sweet baby boy would be born with a rare congenital heart defect. And he was there as we were going through additional tests, and searching for a hospital. God never let go as we were waiting in Philadelphia and preparing for the birth. He never let go all through delivery where Liam's heart stayed strong and then when Liam was born and he was big and strong and ready to fight. And he was there during the surgery, he was with the doctors as they operated on Liam's small heart and there when Liam came out of surgery already off the ventilator. And when we brought Liam home from the hospital and each and every day since.

God has never let go and we have made it through our darkest moments, through hours and days when we thought we might lose him or maybe never even meet him. And though we don't know how many more dark moments may lie ahead for our sweet baby boy, we do know that we are celebrating this one year anniversary knowing that God will never let go.

Just like one year ago today, when I relished every single kick and flutter I would feel from Liam moving inside of me, knowing my baby was alive and safe, cherishing each special moment I was able to spend with him, so it is today, a year later. We savor each new day we are allowed to spend here on earth with our precious little miracle, our strong-willed warrior, our sweet baby boy, Liam! Am I scared of what our future holds? Most definitely. Do I wish that we were on a different path, that this wasn't our reality? No doubt about it. Do I have faith and hope that God has a plan far bigger than us? Absolutely!